On August 11th, Robin Williams ended his very long struggle with depression. Many, many blog posts have been written about this news. Some have talked about how devastating it is. Some have talked about how, while he was depressed, depression is always a choice. Some have talked about their own encounters with suicide.
I don’t really know which direction I want to take this post, so I will just write. And I will let whatever comes out just come out.
I was devastated after learning the news. I even got into an argument with a family member when they told me I was wrong about how he passed. Excuse me, I have only read 10 articles about the topic. You have read 1. Pretty sure I am more of an expert than you are. I am still a bit shocked about it. I grew up watching his movies and admiring him. And just like that, he is gone.
However, this has sparked several interesting conversations.
When I was with my ex, I was depressed. I was suicidal. I love my family, and my friends, but I didn’t care about that because I was so far gone. I imagined ways I could just end the suffering. I was thisclose to actually trying a few times. I don’t remember now what made me change my mind, but I’m glad I did.
I also found out that someone I am VERY close to was suicidal as recently as a couple years ago. I was hurt that she didn’t tell me at the time. Because when I was depressed, I talked to her about it. It took me some time to think about it to realize that everyone handles everything differently. Just because I was open with her doesn’t obligate her to be open with me.
This much I know, suicide may seem like a choice, but when you are severely depressed, it isn’t even a choice. It is, what seems like, a peaceful end to a dire existence. Do I think suicide is right? Absolutely not. If you are suicidal, please, talk to someone about it. If you can push through, life can be such a beautiful thing! I do understand.